No test? No testimony

I remember hearing that phrase from a renowned motivational speaker and it speaks truth. I have had my share of uncertainty and down right lost at times. There were times I didn’t know how I’d make it through. Now I’m not one to pity party, but if I do it’s only for a minute. You have to get your butt off the ground, dust it off and go on as my dad would tell me throughout my life.

I remember the first time I was afraid. Life was going to Hades in a rollercoaster! I had become pregnant at age 17 and was married right after I turned 18. I knew I was making a big mistake. I remember the director at this little mountain chapel asked me what music would I like to come down the aisle to. I chose some little Italian wedding march but I was far from excited. I knew deep down this wasn’t how my life was supposed to be starting out. I put my big girl panties on, so to speak, and grudgingly marched on down to an idiot. I asked God that if I was making a mistake to give me a sign, like to have the baby inside me go nuts. He did. I stood there being knocked in the ribs by this little person. Then was I so nauseated, I didn’t even remember saying “I Do” because I was so blown away by what was happening. In the end, I was indeed married. And so my nightmare would begin, as if I didn’t think before was bad enough.

The marriage to me was a joke and was not at all what I wanted. I felt like I had let so many people down that this was something I had to do. I had to make it look good at least. I dealt with verbal and emotional abuse, mind games, and even felt my life threatened on more than one occasion. He was an alcoholic and did plenty of drugs to make matters worse. He also dealt with mental health issues which did not help. I had withstood the last rodeo I could sand made him get out. After I had him leave, I was stalked, things thrown at my house in the night by people he knew, threatened to take my child, and he would not sign divorce papers as a way to control the situation. I was 20 by now. It took two more years to finally be free legally. But God was there. He saved me from many scenarios that could have went south fast. He placed good people in my path to help show me a way out, all I needed to do was the work. I did just that.
I look back at the experience with no hatred but with a profound faith and trust that God carries us through our storms. It doesn’t go without saying that we create enough storms well on our own. If I had listened to my gut, never married him and run off to family, I would’ve saved myself, and child, some nasty times. You see, God let’s us go through some things for the lesson especially when we get our own self in the mess. The hard facts shape us. The testimony comes from being tested. Life isn’t easy and we make mistakes all the time. It’s nice to know who is in our corner, always showing us a way out if we listen.
I leave you with 1 Corinthians 10:13:

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man. ( we all go through the same stuff).: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able ( he doesn’t give us what we can’t handle); but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. ( overcome).

My best to you and your journey!